Questions from Holly:
Hi. I’ve considered myself a Christian a few years now, but lately I’m struggling because I feel like I have head knowledge but no heart knowledge. By this I mean that I understand the core principles of Christianity, and I believe them. I know that the God of scripture is true, that Jesus died for all sinners and rose again, but I have no emotional connection to these statements. When I think about Jesus suffering on the cross, I don’t feel that gut-punch emotion of guilt and gratitude…. I understand I’m a sinner and I genuinely desire to turn from those behaviors, but I don’t feel the huge rush of guilt and shame. I don’t have that panic that sends me running to God for forgiveness, and then the subsequent relief knowing that He has forgiven me. I feel very disconnected, and as this goes on longer and longer, I can’t shake the feeling that God is angry with me. I find it very difficult to think that He can still love me through this lack of emotion. So whenever I pray, I can’t help but imagine a very wrathful God with his arms tightly folded and shaking his head at me. So I guess my question is, how can I let go of whatever it is that is blocking me from feeling these things, whether that be pride or arrogance etc., and how can I begin to feel the weight of my sin and therefore feel the need for a saviour and a relief at being saved?
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Dear Holly. Thank you for your honesty. This is an excellent question that touches on a foundational aspect of our faith. Scripture teaches that we are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). In other words, the central imperative of the Scriptures involves wholehearted devotion to God—mind, body, and emotions. That being said, your question assumes that genuine faith must produce certain emotions, such as guilt, gratitude, or tears. Since you do not experience those kinds of emotions, you fear that something is spiritually wrong with you. But Scripture does not teach us to measure a person’s faith by the intensity of their emotions. In fact, as Christians mature, they often experience dry seasons in their spiritual lives. I would also caution against comparing your own emotional response with that of others. God has created us all unique, and your emotional temperament may be different from that of your friends.
You say you believe that the gospel is true, you recognize your sin, and you desire to follow Jesus, even in your confusion. Those are not signs of spiritual stagnation; those are signs of true faith! True faith is about faithful allegiance to Jesus Christ. It’s what Eugene Peterson called “a long obedience in the same direction.”
Christian maturity is not measured by the intensity of our emotions but through our commitment to Jesus Christ. Rather than trying to manufacture strong emotions, our goal is to remain faithful to the Lord. We can be honest with him on our journey of faith. We can pray, “Lord, help me to know you deeply and to experience you more fully. Form within me a clean heart and a steadfast spirit.” Over time, you may learn that, rather than stirring up your emotions, the Lord will help you cultivate your affections for him.
It is also important to understand that guilt and shame are different from true repentance. Some people may respond emotionally to the truth of the gospel, but they may still refuse to turn to God in response. In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, he contrasts “Godly sorrow” with “worldly sorrow.” Godly Sorrow is a recognition of sin and shame that leads to true action (repentance). True repentance produces an earnest and eager desire to do what is right with God, as well as act according to his ways. But Worldly Sorrow focuses only on feelings rather than actions. Worldly Sorrow leads to regret and spiritual death, but Godly Sorrow leads to repentance and salvation (2 Cor. 7:10-11). You talked about your lack of intense emotion, but the very fact that this has caused you grief shows me that your heart is not hardened against the Lord. Take comfort in his love and grace!
The goal here is faithfulness to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The question isn’t, “Am I feeling strongly enough about this?” but “Am I trusting in Jesus?” Thankfully, our salvation does not rest on our emotional response but on God’s goodness and grace. You picture God standing before you with arms folded in disappointment. But the gospel reveals the love and grace of God. Scripture says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). He is not a disappointed judge who looks down at you with a frown; he is a loving father who eagerly runs towards sinners just like me and you (Luke 15:20).
As you said in your question, if you have been harboring certain sins in your life, such as pride or arrogance, then confess those things to God. You can take comfort knowing that the Lord forgives freely (1 John 1:9). You can also trust that the Lord can transform hearts of stone into hearts of flesh through his mighty power (Ez. 36:26-27).
If you are looking for relief from sin, guilt, or shame, then look no further than the cross of Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul reminds us, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1a). Isn’t that good news? Through the power of God’s love in Jesus, he can turn death into life. The old is gone, and the new is here (2 Cor. 5:17). Thanks be to God!
May you persistently and patiently keep walking toward the Lord!
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Tim Barbee, D.Min.
P.S. For more thoughts on this great question, see a related article titled “My Feelings Don’t Follow My Faith.” https://roomfordoubt.com/post/my-feelings-dont-follow-my-faith
